


Monster

by vodka_and_some_sass



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-20
Updated: 2020-09-20
Packaged: 2021-03-07 18:15:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,969
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26561995
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vodka_and_some_sass/pseuds/vodka_and_some_sass
Summary: Loki has always believed he’s the monster and would refuse to listen to Cora when she denied that. But when Cora finds out something about her past and calls herself a monster, Loki can feel his heart break.
Relationships: Loki (Marvel)/Original Female Character(s)
Kudos: 4





	Monster

Callista couldn’t stop her eyes from moving to the live feed of the entrance to the base. Everyone from the team had finished their missions and returned to the Quinjet, except Cora and Bucky Barnes.  _ Of course it would be those two who’d get into trouble.  _ Beside her, Loki paced up and down the room, almost wearing a hole in the carpet. 

“It’s been twenty six minutes since the comms went down. And it’s been forty minutes that we haven’t had eyes on them.  _ Where are they? _ ” Loki had literally counted every minute and had done it verbally. And it was taking all of Cali’s self-control not to throw something at him. Before she could hiss a nasty slur at him, there was movement on the edge of the screen. 

She and Loki tumbled over each other as they struggled to get a clearer look. Sure enough, there they were. It wasn’t clear who was supporting whom, but they both looked like they had been through the wringer. The speakers at headquarters crackled and Captain America’s voice filled the spaces between the static.

_ “Avengers to Headquarters. Mission accomplished. Preparing to return.” _

A few hours later, Bucky and Cora sat on the metal tables in the medical bay. Bucky had shed his shirt and Stark was fixing the circuits in his arm. Cora, on the other hand, had brandished a dagger and would not let anyone near her. 

“Cora, you need to clean the wounds with antiseptic cream. It will get infected otherwise. We’ve been through this before!” Cali tried to reason with her, one eye on the dagger and the other on the deep gash on Cora’s arm. 

“We have been through this before and  _ I’ve told you it burns _ ! Specially that extra stuff you and Banner worked on. I will not hesitate to poke you with this if you come close to me with that thing!” Cora favoured her injured arm while wildly swinging the dagger around. 

_ “Oh for Odin’s sake!” _

Loki reached for the cream that Callista was holding and swiftly put his hand on Cora. One second they were there, then they weren’t. 

“I’m not unhappy that he took her off my hands. Stark, how much longer with Bucky? I need to get to work on his stupid injuries because of his stupid hero complex which apparently all of you idiots get the more time you spend in the gym. It explains why I’m the most practical one on the team and you all will die early.” 

Bucky chuckled as Stark locked the last of his arm plates into place. “Thanks Tony.” Giving an exaggerated bow, the genius, playboy, billionaire, and philanthropist left the room, leaving Bucky and Callista alone. 

“You wanna give me an account of your injuries or am I going to have to just douse you with antiseptic?” Callista asked, pointedly. Bucky was not unaware of the slight sharpness in her tone or the stiffness in her behaviour.

“It’s just a scratch on the back and a sprained knee.” 

Cali wordlessly cut away the pant that covered the knee he was pointing at. She gently felt around the muscle, ruling out a ligament tear. Sponging away the dirt and sweat around the knee, she applied muscle relaxant and wrapped a crepe bandage around it. Bucky peered over her shoulder as she wrote out a medicine. Under it, she wrote  _ alternating hot and cold compress. _

Bucky then realised how upset she actually was. She generally skipped writing that and made it a point to remind him throughout the day to do it.

“Cali?” 

“Mhm?”

“You want to tell me why I’m getting the silent treatment?”

Callista refused to meet his eyes, picking up what she’d need to clean and stitch the deep _ scratch _ on his back and moving behind him. “I’m talking.”

Bucky twisted so he was facing her. “No you aren’t.”

She moved to his left, out of his sight and prepared a cloth to clean the skin around the gash. Bucky huffed, jumping off the table and taking the material gently out of her hands. He ignored her protests as he led her to a chair, sitting her down and then seating himself so he was facing her. 

“What is wrong, Cali? You haven’t been yourself since we’ve returned. You even snapped at Cora when she got of the Quinjet and asked for a coffee.”

Callista sighed, letting her gaze drop to her fingers. She was used to having something constantly in her hands and now that they were empty, she didn’t know what to do with them but fidget. Bucky noticed and took her hands in his, massaging the top of her wrists with his thumbs, being extra careful not to use the same force with his metal hand. The action seemed to relax her slightly and he saw her shoulders sag a bit. 

_ “Tell me, plum.” _

Trying to tug her hands away but finding that Bucky had no intentions of letting go, she let out a small breath before looking up at him. 

“First we lost communication with you. I was on the line when Cora told me she was trying to fix it. She suggested that I try to see if I could find a remote signal from here. I went to the comms team and when I came back, Cora’s comm was down and she wasn’t on the Quinjet, where her station was. Loki was freaking out because she had told him she was going to find you. It wasn’t long before the rest of the team arrived and there was still no sign or word from you or her.  _ I was terrified. _ It made sense when Steve said that for them to go back in would complicate everything even more.” That was when her voice cracked. “ _ We didn’t know whether you were dead or alive.  _ The enemy was unpredictable. The mission had been to take out the leaders and everyone had done their jobs, leaving the base in chaos. And then you both staggered in, looking like you had seen the inner depths of hell. I’ve never heard Cora be so quiet after a mission. And neither of you will talk about it. My imagination creates the worst things and just thinking about my best friend and my boyfriend going through that makes me want to break something. I know that you and she can take care of yourselves, but  _ not knowing hurts me, scares me. _ ”

Bucky had always assumed that he was immune to tender feelings but right then, he could have sworn that he felt his heart turn to liquid mush. “Oh love.” He pulled the little scientist who had burrowed a way through skin, bone and metal and found a corner in his heart for a hug. Dropping a kiss on her head, he said, “I’m sorry I didn’t realise how this affected you. How about you clean up my scratch and we talk about it in a slightly more comfortable place. Oh, and for the record, your stupid Irish friend needs a leash.”

So a brief hour later, Callista found herself snuggled into Bucky’s side. He had taken her up to her room and had spent a solid minute just gaping at how soft her bed was. She had made them both some hot cocoa and relished the feel of Bucky’s cold arm around her while his fingernails lightly scratched her head as he ran his hand through her hair. They stayed like that for a few minutes, him playing with her hair and her playing with his fingers before he tucked her under his chin, wrapped the blanket around them and narrated what had happened during his mission.

Meanwhile, eight floors above them, Loki had lost his temper with Cora more than once. Presently, he had magicked her into a chair and restrained her. 

“Loki, I swear on all nine realms, if you so much as touch me right now, I will come for you. You cannot keep me tied up with your stupid magic forever.” Cora voice was a low whisper, no playfulness in her usually twinkling eyes.

“I am a god. You don’t scare me.” Loki glowered back. He might love this little mortal, but he  _ was  _ a god, and there was only so much disrespect he could take. In the last hour, she had gone from being simply stubborn to throwing scathing remarks at him, something that was very out of character for her. It was only when she had sent a knife flying past his ear that he had pulled the big guns and used magic to hold her down and protect himself.

“I don’t know, Loki. Maybe you should be afraid. Old gods die when new gods rise.” Cora didn’t understand what was happening. She didn’t like the words coming out of her mouth but she felt the need to spit them out, to hurt Loki, distance herself from him as much as possible. She could feel him rise to her bait, his back tensing as he slowly turned from the window to face her. 

_ “What did you just say?” _

Fear slid like lead into her veins but she knew that he hurting her was going to be much less painful than if she ever had to hurt him. “ _ I said, old gods die when new gods rise. _ ”

She looked up from her restraints and then truly understood what it was like to stare at  _ a furious god _ . He bent down, bringing his face close to hers, his breath ghosting over her lips. “I actively avoid letting your thoughts wander into mine but if I find even a hint of a threat in what you just said,  _ I will not hesitate to show you why I am called a god. _ ” Before she could fully comprehend what he was saying, she felt the tingling of magic against her forehead and barely a second later, Loki recoiled, as if he had been slapped in the face. He stumbled back a few steps, all trace of anger gone only to be replaced by confusion and  _ was that remorse? _

“Why?” he breathed out, collapsing onto his knees. Cora felt the restraints lift from her hands. She stood, her brain telling her to walk away. But seeing Loki on his knees, so vulnerable and confused, her heart caved. She knew she was hurting him. 

“Why?” He asked again, louder this time. He made no move to get up but he lifted his face to hers. “Why would you push me to hurt you? Why would you make me give you a reason to leave? I don’t understand, Cora.  _ Why!?”  _ The last word ripped through his throat, a hoarse scream that broke her heart into impossibly smaller pieces. She couldn’t tell him why, so she shrugged, forcing herself to turn away from him. She reached out to take the medicine kit that she’d need for her wound, but a pale hand closed over hers. She hadn’t heard Loki get up. But as he turned her to face him, she knew that in that moment, she’d cave and do whatever he asked, if it meant a few more minutes with him before she walked away. 

“Please. Just tell me why. I’ll let you go if that is what you want. But only after you tell me why.” Thor had once told Cora that even when Loki was hurting, he’d hide it behind a mask of madness. Right now, she knew that Loki wasn’t hiding behind anything, that every inch of his face that was contorted with pain was real, as were the glistening tears in his eyes which he held back. Cora steeled herself. She knew enough about masks and she let one slip over her features. 

“Because I’m not worth it, Loki.  _ I’m a monster! _ ” Her face remained blank while her heart crumbled, sending physical pain through her chest. She used every bit of her willpower to prevent herself from collapsing from pain as she said words that she believed. “Bucky’s comms didn’t fail. He shut them down. You want to know why?” She ripped her hand out of his and stalked to the window. “He shut them down because he found a secret I have hidden for years. He shut them down to save me the embarrassment of having everyone in the team know the secret. And he nearly died while doing that.”

Loki stepped towards her, stopping himself from reaching out to touch her. “You don’t have to tell us, or me. Just, please don’t go.”

Cora couldn’t look at him. “I have to go, Loki.”

“No. We can fix it. We can bury it. We’ll do whatever you want,  _ together _ !” Loki couldn’t lose her. Not now, not ever. There was nothing in all nine realms that could make him not want her by his side at every moment. He took that last step to her, grasping her shoulders and shaking her, trying to make her understand that  _ he couldn’t let her go _ .

She broke away, tears now streaming down her face. “No Loki! You don’t understand! I killed her!” Loki didn’t think he could be confused any further when he had felt her thoughts, but she was proving him wrong again. He tried to reach for her but she jerked out of his reach, her sobs ripping through her as she forced the words out of her mouth.  _ “I killed my twin sister!” _

Cali burst into the room, pushing past Loki and grabbing Cora into a choking hug. “It’s okay.  _ Biology doesn’t decide family _ . It’s okay.” Cora crumbled to the ground, her body heaving with sobs. Cali held her long enough for Bucky to get Loki to sift through his memories, understanding what Cora had been trying to hide from all of them. Once Loki had simply registered the information, Bucky shoved him towards Cora.

“She needs you right now, whether she knows it or not.” Cali nodded at Loki, before pulling apart from Cora and tucking herself into Bucky’s side. Loki waited for them to leave before he knelt at Cora’s side, lifting her into his embrace. He carried her to their bed, sitting so he was cocooning her with his body. His right hand held her head to his chest, where he felt each sob break his heart inside, while his left hand rubbed soothing circles on her back.

They sat like that for what seemed like an eternity. When Cora’s crying had simmered to a sniffle, Loki wrapped both his arms around her shaking frame and whispered non-sense in her ears, trying to ease her pain. He loosened his hold slightly when she struggled weakly against him. Watery brown eyes met his for a second before looking away.

“I understand if you hate me. I hate myself.” Hearing her say it seemed to crack something within him. Cupping her face in his hands, he gently forced her to look at him.

“I don’t hate you. The girl you killed? She wasn’t your sister. She might have been your twin, but  _ she wasn’t your sister. _ The man whose life you saved? That’s your sister’s boyfriend. You heard Callista.  _ Biology doesn’t decide who your family is. You do. _ She saw you too. She recognised you. And even when you stopped, she continued to attack you. She had accepted that you weren’t her sister and she wasn’t going to feel guilty for what she did to you. But you…  _ You’re pure underneath all that bravado. _ You feel so much and you love so much and you care so much. And while all of us benefit in abundance from it, I wish you didn’t. Because you feel pain and guilt in equal measure.  _ You’re not a monster. _ Monsters don’t cry over protecting themselves and people they love. Monsters don’t break down at the knowledge that they’ve hurt someone they don’t even know.”

_ “Killed. I killed her.”  _

There was that pain again. Loki felt his heart clench. “Yes, and if you didn’t she would have killed you and Bucky. Today I’d be burying the one person I have been able to open my heart to in more than a thousand years, Cali would be burying the man she can share her dreams with. Natasha and Steve and Tony and Banner would be burying their closest friends. Peter would be burying his favourite talk buddy. Did we lose more or did we gain more from the decision you made?”

Loki knew he had finally gotten through to her when he didn’t receive a response. “Is that why you wouldn’t let me heal you? As some sort of punishment for what you did?” Loki realised that the pain he felt when Cora nodded an affirmative was very similar to the pain that racked his body when Thanos had squeezed the life out of him.  _ If her pain was killing him, what was it doing to her? _

“Will you let me heal it now?” The pressure in his chest lessened when she nodded again. Ropes of green wrapped around them. When they withdrew, Cora was in one of Loki’s hooded sweaters and her pyjamas, the wound on her arm was a raw scar. She flinched when she saw it. 

“I left it there as a reminder to you and to us about not just how strong you are, but also as a memory of what you are willing to sacrifice for the people who you’ve accepted as your family.” Tears streamed down Cora’s face again, and Loki did nothing to stop them. He drew her close to him, tucking her under his chin and rubbing his arms along her body. He knew she had to get it out of her system, and he realised as a tear rolled down his cheek, that he did too. 


End file.
